Sunday, 13 December 2015

Satire: The story of a superstar, vagabonds and a ghost

This is a true story of a superstar and a few measly vagabonds.

Once upon a time, there was a superstar.  In fact he still is, and will continue to be with us.

One night, the superstar was at a party.  He partied, he drove, he crushed a few vagabonds, and he got away. 

Some people raised an objection to this.  'He should be brought to justice', they said.

But they did not know that only the hero is allowed to do as he pleases.  He can take down anything and anybody in his way.  It does not matter if they were only sleeping.  He can still mow them down.

Because you nitwits, he is the hero.  The larger than life character, for whom nothing is impossible.

And don't you know that his fans love him?  They want to see him shoot down some more endangered species.  He can do nothing wrong for them. 

Fortunately, the honourable court also thought the same.  So they let him go scot free, for he is the hero, remember?  Just a few lowlife pavement dwellers were killed, that's all.  Their life is cheap anyway.  They were already homeless.  What does it matter if they are now lifeless?

It is our superstar that matters.  He has to be let free to do his thing.  

Besides, who said he was drunk, driving, or drunk-driving on that night?  He only drank Thums Up at the party, poor fella!

Indeed, there was no evidence that he was driving at all.  No, not even the ex-policeman's testimony was believable.  Why did he have to put his own life at risk to give evidence against the superstar?

He died of TB that guy.  Well deserved!  How dare he raise his voice against our hero!

Wait a minute, said some.  If the superstar was not driving the car, who was?  The honourable court thought about this for a long time - thirteen years to be precise.  Ghost, it concluded.

'Ghost?!' exclaimed some, incredulously.

But the court came up with irrefutable reasoning.  'If a ghost can make a car veer sharply and plunge into the sea in Talaash, why can't it drive the car and crush those people?'  Logical, no?

And of course, try as you might, you cannot punish a ghost.

It is not as though our hero did not have his own unimpeachable evidence to back him up.  He had his own singer friend in the car that night.  He could have easily vouched for his divinity.  

'No, that is not necessary', said the court.  'We are letting you off anyway'.

'Now go and cancel that petition in the higher court that you made to allow your friend's testimony.  Let him be safely ensconced in the UK.  Why bring him all the way here just to prove your innocence?'

'You are the hero.  You don't need anybody to vouch for your integrity'.

So the judge said, 'Off you go son.  Go do your songs and dances and fights.  Go, your fans are waiting for you.  They cannot live without you.  And don't you worry, if anybody else comes up with evidence against you, I will crush them myself!'

Then the superstar emerged.  Millions were waiting with bated breath.  There was a spontaneous eruption of joy all around.  He was taken home in a procession.  Their hero, their god had returned unscathed and untainted.

Meanwhile, the ghost took out the car for a spin again.  Along the way it crushed Justice to death...

Oh well...

And they all crushed happily ever after!

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