A mainstream threesome

Recently, I have come across at least three mainstream programs wherein the protagonists are gay.  

There are, no doubt, more such programs out there (I am told that there is a host of 'Thai BL' drama out there that I am yet to discover).

But these three are the ones I have seen and liked.  

Here's a list of them, with my take on what they mean for LGBT-inclusivity.

Gameboys: This is a 2020 Filipino web-series wherein the two main characters are male teenagers who discover their own sexual orientation over the course of online games and chats, in the background of the pandemic induced lockdown.  [PS: I could only find Season 1 on Netflix India]  

The diffidence in accepting one's sexuality, and the frequently changing interactions in young relations are well depicted in this series.  There is hardly any interference from the adults in the lives of these young people; in fact, the mother of one of the leads is so understanding and supportive that she should be enshrined as the prototype of an ideal, broadminded parent that every gay adolescent afraid of coming out should be blessed with.  

Good writing, with terrific use of the lockdown restrictions to depict the pining for union between the leads, and the leads themselves who are as charming as they are adept in emoting and expressing these interactions, makes this is an engaging series with a feelgood factor working in its favour.  

With so much going for it, Gameboys makes it easier to accept the boys' relations from the point of view of a viewer who has no idea about gay relations.  

Hi baby! - sorry, couldn't resist that one.  

Heartstopper: Again, male teenagers go through the pangs of discovering their sexuality; only, this 2022 web-series is set in England.  The relationship tangles, interpersonal strife, and parental acceptance/non-acceptance are depicted here in a no-holds-barred manner, which makes this a lot more intense and emotional affair.  Credit, once again, should go to the writing, direction and acting by the entire cast - can't go wrong with Olivia Colman in the scheme of things, can we?

During the course of the two seasons, this series manages to cover issues pertaining to all the letters of LGBT acronym, besides touching upon eating disorders, self-harm, and that other letter in the extended acronym: A - asexuality.  

Red, White & Royal Blue: A trans-Atlantic love affair between two grown men is made all the more sensational by the fact that the leads happen to be a prince and a president's son.  Based on a novel of the same name, this 2023 American film struck an immediate chord with the viewers and generated a huge positive buzz on social media.  What works here is the chemistry between the leads; it helps that they are both incredibly good-looking and act wonderfully well.  

What's also good is that this mainstream film does not shy away from showing the intimate moments between the gay leads.  The romance is so engrossing that one forgets that this is not a star-crossed straight love story, such as Romeo & Juliet or Heer-Ranjha; a staple diet we have feasted on in our heteronormative mainstream film-viewing experience thus far.  

This just goes to show that the heartstrings can be tugged at just as well by well-depicted gay love stories as straight ones.  

***

The larger point that emerges from all these watershed creations is this: LGBT relationships are normal.  They are variants of romantic/sexual relations, and are not in any way inferior to straight relations.  The same process of falling in love, relationship issues, breakups, and reunions that are part of straight relations are also common to LGBT relations.  

After all, one falls in love with an individual, whose personality, worldview, and affability is congruous with oneself.  So, how does it matter if that individual happens to be a man, woman or transsexual?  

I have written in detail about these issues, calling for acceptance of alternative sexuality in an earlier article. 

Now, while I appreciate these three programs for bringing gay relations into the mainstream across the world, I can't help wondering when we, here in India, would be doing our gay community a huge favour by creating similar content.  

If you leave out a few series in the OTT space [as in Made In Heaven 1 & 2 (about the travails of a gay protagonist, with an impressive Arjun Mathur playing the gay man), The Married Woman (lesbian affair of a married woman), and His Story (gay affair of a married man)], all of which, I must add, are excellent creations, there is a woeful lack of meaningful depictions of gayness across all film industries of India.  

On the other hand, gay characters over the years have been shown as mere caricatures, to be made fun of, or to be considered abnormal, or to be discriminated against.  

The nuances explored in the above three landmark productions are patently absent in the Indian context, and one has to wonder why this should be so, when we all know that the Hindi Film Industry has more than its share of gay filmmakers and actors.  It is disappointing that none these filmmakers have thus far taken the lead to address this situation.  Perhaps commercial considerations may be hindrances to producing an out and out gay film?   

This only leads me to appreciate what the makers of some small but effective Bollywood films have achieved in terms of bringing fringe sexual issues to the open.  At least here, the list is impressive: Vicky Donor (about sperm donation), Dum Laga Ke Haisha (obesity in sexual partner), Shubh Mangal Savdhan (erectile dysfunction), Badhaai Ho (late-life pregnancy), Janhit Mein Jaari (woman advocating condom use), Dream Girl (phone erotica), and Pad Man (menstrual hygiene).  

To me, these are much more meaningful than any of those big budget, over-the-top, opium-to-the-masses type of hypermasculine drivel that film industries across the country dole out to pander to the whims of hero-worshipping, sycophantic fans of aged superstars.

Huge shout out also to the makers and actors of a few small LGBT-themed Hindi films: Shubh Mangal Zyada Saavdhan (male gay relations with mainstream actors: Ayushmann Khurrana and Jitendra Kumar - well done you guys), Chandigarh Kare Aashiqui (transsexual relationship with Ayushmann Khurrana and Vaani Kapoor - kudos to Vaani for doing this role), and Badhaai Do (lavender marriage between a male and female gay person with Rajkummar Rao and Bhumi Pednekar - again, well done on breaking stereotypes).

Now, if only the mainstream Bollywood guys could take a cue and put together a big budget musical extravaganza in which the leads are gay or lesbian or trans.  

Imagine gay versions of QSQT, MPK and HAHK with same-sex lovers mouthing lyrics such as So what if we are alone, with you along we can achieve anything - I am yours, since ages; Go go go pigeon, convey my first love letter to my lover; and Mother O Mother, listen to the crow on the roof; your darling has fallen for the love hermit (see what I did there?).

If and when that happens, and if we can, as an audience, watch them without cringing just like the fans of the above three films across the world have done, we would have taken a huge step forward in terms of gender inclusivity and equal opportunities for all representatives of the LGBT community.  

So, would it be too much to ask for a Rocky Aur Raju Ki Prem Kahani?  

Dharma Productions, over to you.  

Pictures sources:

• https://www.imdb.com/title/tt12508898/
• https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10638036/
• https://www.imdb.com/title/tt10172266/

Is it okay to be GAY?!

Is being gay a social problem?

Gayness has existed since times immemorial; it’s only since Indian people started asserting everything about their personalities openly that we are waking up to the situation.  Bewildered by their own ignorance, parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, contrary to eons of cultural conditioning, are having to face the harsh reality that one of their sons, granddaughters, nephews or nieces is gay.  The situation is so glum that for many elders in India, the concept of homosexuality is an impossibility that they struggle to comprehend. 

If you look around, I am certain you can find an uncle or an aunt or a distant relative or a friend who has remained a ‘bachelor/spinster for life’, only because they were unable to declare their actual sexuality to the world for fear of ostracization by their family/community.  Either this, or they submit to the whims of their families and enter into fruitless and joyless matrimony, which if it lasts, is nothing short of torture. 

I am reminded of a recently married male patient who was advised to see me because he was not ‘participating’ in the marriage.  His mother expressed great hope in our therapy process and thought that he would be cured of his marital diffidence, whereas the bride’s side were vehement in their criticism of his family for conniving to get their ‘abnormal’ son married.  The girl even tried to touch him during therapy to demonstrate how he would recoil from her.  At home, the mother apparently stood guard outside the couple’s bedroom so that her son would not escape conjugal union with his spouse!  

What would you do in cases such as these?  How would you address a problem that was created to hide another problem?  How will you tell them that straight marriage is not the one-stop solution to all problems under the sun; that individuals will not be cured of their gayness if they are married off?

While all denominations of the LGBTQI spectrum face the ire of the ‘regulars’ to varying extents, it is the male-male relations that seem to receive the most flak from all quarters in our country.  I am not suggesting female-female relations are accepted without problems – they are not – but somehow men falling for men is considered to be more shocking and unacceptable. 

This is probably due to the expectations surrounding the male progeny; that he should be macho, in control of all situations, well educated, gainfully employed till retirement age, married to a woman who he can keep under his thumb, and able to procreate and raise children according to his family’s expectations.  Any deviation from this norm invites harsh criticism from all quarters, with an expectation of course-correction to fall back in line and ‘settle down’. 

Is homosexuality a disease?

Zoologists have observed homosexual proclivities in animal species as diverse as baboons, giraffes, dolphins, anglerfish, mallard ducks and cats, among others. The Homo sapiens species is no different.

Indeed, the more relevant question to be pondered upon is how is it possible for the entire humanity to be divided right down the middle into male and female genders? 

Birth, influence of genes/environment, physical gender, psychological gender and sexual feelings are complex factors influencing the ultimate gender/sexual expression of an individual.  This is reflected in the ever-increasing numbers of alphabets that are added to the acronym LGBTQ+ that indicates the gay community.  Therefore, reducing gender/sexuality to a binary is a reductive exercise and betrays a lack of understanding of these complexities. 

But ignorance and bigotry make for a deadly duo.  This is why gay people around the world have had to bear with insults, taunts, ostracization, victimization, discrimination, and the worst, conversion therapies.  Anybody who makes a claim that gayness can be cured like any disease is lying, and is probably operating under the influence of the deadly duo. 

Being gay is neither a disorder nor a crime.  Homosexuality has been removed from psychiatric diagnostic manuals such as the ICD-11 (devised by the World Health Organization) and the DSM-5 (devised by the American Psychiatric Association) since a long time. 

Whether it is a crime or not depends on where you are living.  There are still certain countries where the state and the majority of the population are afflicted by the deadly duo and homosexuality is considered a criminal offence.  It is not because gay people do not exist in such societies; it is just that they live a cloistered life, away from public expression.  I have seen this in students who come from a far eastern theocratic country where being gay is outlawed. 

Homosexuality is not a disease, but homophobia is!  Homosexuality is neither a lifestyle choice as surmised by upholders of traditional cultural values nor does it occur due to poor upbringing, as some parents of gay children fear it to be.  On the other hand, homophobia is a by-product of eons of erroneous cultural and religious conditioning.  Further, it can be indicative of the underlying insecurity and a 'fear of the unknown' on part of the ‘straight’ people who seem to operate under the influence of a slew of psychodynamic defence mechanisms and project these fears onto the gay community.

Ultimately though, it is all about the ego.  Families of gay people live in fear of stigma and ostracization.  Deeply affected by the diagnosis, they either live in denial of their son/daughter’s homosexuality and try to get them married, or if they do acknowledge the condition, they try to drag them along to dubious therapies in the vain hope of a ‘cure’.

This non-acceptance of homosexuality and the resulting distress caused by the attitude of their family, relatives and friends can result in gay people experiencing cognitive dissonance – a phenomenon characterized by a discord between how one feels from within and how one has to behave in the outside world.  Combine this with the guilt resulting from cultural and religious bigotry, and you will get some idea as to the pitiable state of mind that gay people have to endure for having been born that way in the wrong place and at the wrong time.    

What do the religions say?

It is most unfortunate that the LGBTQI discourse has been hijacked to some extent by 'wokeists' and pseudoliberals who never let go of an opportunity to pit it against Sanatana Dharma’s tenets, conveniently forgetting the patent homophobia that exists in prescriptive and converting religions.  

If anything, Sanatana Dharma has always been LGBTQI-friendly.  The only Hindu person who claims to have a cure for samlaingikata (that is homosexuality in Hindi), is a prominent yoga guru and Ayurvedic products manufacturer – no prizes for guessing who.  I am an admirer of his work in general, but I disagree with this claim, and I hope he desists from making such misleading claims in the future.   

Leave that aside, and you will find that our itihasas and puranas are replete with stories of LGBTQI characters who are part of the mainstream discourse and play a crucial role in the stories therein.  Mahabharata’s Shikhandini who later became Shikhandi is only one such example.  The enchanting damsel, Mohini, who tricked the Asuras into forgoing their share of the immortal nectar, Amrita, was Vishnu in a female avatar.  The Ardhanarishwara form of Lord Shiva shows Him as a union of the male and female forms.  Aiyappa, the celibate Hill-God of Kerala was born of the union of this very Mohini and Shiva.

These stores underscore the fact that everything in this universe is energy.  So, even gender should be seen as such; varying expressions of the same energy, depicted in different cultures as Purusha-Prakriti and Yin-Yang.

Further, in the Valmiki Ramayana, Lord Rama’s devotee and companion Hanuman is said to have seen rakshasa women kissing and embracing each other during his Lankan sojourn.  At another place, the Ramayana tells the tale of a king named Dilip, who had two wives, but died without leaving an heir. The story says that Lord Shiva appeared in the dreams of the widowed queens and told them that if they made love to each other, they would have a child.  The queens obeyed Lord Shiva and one of them got pregnant and gave birth to a child who grew up to be King Bhagiratha, best known for having brought Ganga from heaven to earth.

So, why did our culture that was so libertarian that it expressed sexuality on temple walls and in sex treatises become so close-minded and bigoted?

Most likely, it is due to the imposition of puritanism by western invaders/land occupiers that any matter relating to sex was severely curtailed, the crowning glory being the imposition of Article 377 by the British, which the Indian government foolishly continued even after the British themselves had legalized gay relations in their own country. 

As the scholar of Abrahamic studies, Sumit Paul, says: ‘Thousands of years of slavery and the restrictive Semitic civilisational influence transformed the collective mentality of Indians and changed their psycho-sexual behavioural ethos.  We began to condemn our own cultural heritage and history.’

It took a few enterprising NGOs to take the matter to the Supreme Court to have the article struck down.  Still, that’s only one part of the struggle; till date there are no equal civil rights to marry, or to register children/properties for gay couples (this matter is sub judice in the Supreme Court, as of April 2023). 

Spiritually, we are moving from one body to another; sometimes male, sometimes female, sometimes other genders.  So, a man might have been a woman in a previous birth, and may be reborn as a transgender in the next.  So why confine yourself to this birth alone?  If you look at it from the universal and spiritual perspective, it hardly matters whether you are male, female or other. 

As per spiritual healers and masters, your soul decides which body to inhabit prior to its earthly sojourn.  You are a spirit wearing the garb of a human body, put here to do certain actions with your free will so as to facilitate your karmic journey through this birth and the next with the ultimate aim of attaining moksha.  So, focus on that, and give up your fixation with ephemeral bodily features. 

What should parents/families do?

As I have written under sex education, have an open conversation with your child at the appropriate time about their sexual preference.  Alternative sexuality is a normal variation of sex expression, just as being left-handed or grey-eyed is.  There is more to your child than just his/her sexuality; look at developing their overall personality, academic interests and any other passion.  Do not reduce their life to fretting over the fact that they may not get married or have children.  There is more to life’s purpose than these events.  Remember that not everybody is cut out to get married or have children.

Whether we like it or not, whether governments of the day dither or not, whether radical religions oppose it or not, and even if self-appointed custodians of Indian culture send missives to the President asking for equal civil rights not to be granted to the gay community, gayness always was and always will be.  It will be accepted as being part of the mainstream in the future, if not now. 

As we emerge from the heteronormative prerogative of brushing aside anything queer under the carpet, we need to figure out how to uplift 'hijras'/'eunuchs' from a marginalized lifestyle that involves begging from and harassing people at traffic signals towards a more mainstream life of gainful employment through equal opportunities.  And yes, for that matter, toilets and restrooms would also have to be redesigned to be more inclusive of the LGBTQI community.  

I envisage a future wherein intimate relations would be an optional undertaking rather than mandatory, with the individuals having a wide range of sexual/gender diversity to select their partners from. 

Resources/references:

• LGBT banner picture: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT
• https://www.deccanherald.com/opinion/panorama/time-to-destigmatise-homosexuality-1152092.html
• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_India#:~:text=On%207%20September%202018%2C%20a,making%20homosexuality%20legal%20in%20India.
• Shikhandi: And Other Tales They Don't Tell You, Devdutt Pattanaik, Zubaan and Penguin Books India, 2014