Is being gay a social problem?
Gayness has existed since times
immemorial; it’s only since Indian people started asserting everything about their
personalities openly that we are waking up to the situation. Bewildered by their own ignorance, parents,
grandparents, aunts and uncles, contrary to eons of cultural
conditioning, are having to face the harsh reality that one of their sons, granddaughters,
nephews or nieces is gay. The situation is
so glum that for many elders in India, the concept of homosexuality is an
impossibility that they struggle to comprehend.
If you look around, I am certain
you can find an uncle or an aunt or a distant relative or a friend who has
remained a ‘bachelor/spinster for life’, only because they were unable to
declare their actual sexuality to the world for fear of ostracization by their
family/community. Either this, or they
submit to the whims of their families and enter into fruitless and joyless
matrimony, which if it lasts, is nothing short of torture.
I am reminded of a recently
married male patient who was advised to see me because he was not
‘participating’ in the marriage. His
mother expressed great hope in our therapy process and thought that he would be
cured of his marital diffidence, whereas the bride’s side were vehement in
their criticism of his family for conniving to get their ‘abnormal’ son
married. The girl even tried to touch
him during therapy to demonstrate how he would recoil from her. At home, the mother apparently stood guard
outside the couple’s bedroom so that her son would not escape conjugal union
with his spouse!
What would you do in cases such
as these? How would you address a problem
that was created to hide another problem?
How will you tell them that straight marriage is not the one-stop
solution to all problems under the sun; that individuals will not be cured of their gayness if they are married
off?
While all denominations of the
LGBTQI spectrum face the ire of the ‘regulars’ to varying extents, it is the
male-male relations that seem to receive the most flak from all quarters in our
country. I am not suggesting
female-female relations are accepted without problems – they are not – but
somehow men falling for men is considered to be more shocking and
unacceptable.
This is probably due to the
expectations surrounding the male progeny; that he should be macho, in control
of all situations, well educated, gainfully employed till retirement age,
married to a woman who he can keep under his thumb, and able to procreate and
raise children according to his family’s expectations. Any deviation from this norm invites harsh
criticism from all quarters, with an expectation of course-correction to fall
back in line and ‘settle down’.
Is homosexuality a disease?
Zoologists have observed homosexual
proclivities in animal species as diverse as baboons, giraffes, dolphins, anglerfish,
mallard ducks and cats, among others. The Homo sapiens species is no different.
Indeed, the more relevant
question to be pondered upon is how is it possible for the entire humanity to
be divided right down the middle into male and female genders?
Birth, influence of
genes/environment, physical gender, psychological gender and sexual feelings
are complex factors influencing the ultimate gender/sexual expression of an
individual. This is reflected in the ever-increasing
numbers of alphabets that are added to the acronym LGBTQ+ that indicates the
gay community. Therefore, reducing gender/sexuality
to a binary is a reductive exercise and betrays a lack of understanding of
these complexities.
But ignorance and bigotry make for a
deadly duo. This is why gay people
around the world have had to bear with insults, taunts, ostracization, victimization,
discrimination, and the worst, conversion therapies. Anybody who makes a claim that gayness can be
cured like any disease is lying, and is probably operating under the influence
of the deadly duo.
Being gay is neither a disorder
nor a crime. Homosexuality has been
removed from psychiatric diagnostic manuals such as the ICD-11 (devised by the
World Health Organization) and the DSM-5 (devised by the American Psychiatric
Association) since a long time.
Whether it is a crime or not depends on where you are living. There
are still certain countries where the state and the majority of the population
are afflicted by the deadly duo and homosexuality is considered a criminal
offence. It is not because gay people do
not exist in such societies; it is just that they live a cloistered life, away
from public expression. I have seen this
in students who come from a far eastern theocratic country where being gay is
outlawed.
Homosexuality is not a disease,
but homophobia is! Homosexuality
is neither a lifestyle choice as surmised by upholders of traditional cultural
values nor does it occur due to poor upbringing, as some parents of gay children
fear it to be. On the other hand, homophobia
is a by-product of eons of erroneous cultural and religious conditioning. Further, it can be indicative of the
underlying insecurity and a 'fear of the unknown' on part of the ‘straight’ people who seem to operate under the influence of a slew of psychodynamic defence mechanisms and project these fears onto the gay community.
Ultimately though, it is all about
the ego. Families of gay people live in
fear of stigma and ostracization. Deeply
affected by the diagnosis, they either live in denial of their son/daughter’s
homosexuality and try to get them married, or if they do acknowledge the
condition, they try to drag them along to dubious therapies in the vain hope of
a ‘cure’.
This non-acceptance of
homosexuality and the resulting distress caused by the attitude of their family,
relatives and friends can result in gay people experiencing cognitive
dissonance – a phenomenon characterized by a discord between how one feels from
within and how one has to behave in the outside world. Combine this with the guilt resulting from
cultural and religious bigotry, and you will get some idea as to the pitiable
state of mind that gay people have to endure for having been born that way in
the wrong place and at the wrong time.
What do the religions say?
It is most unfortunate that the
LGBTQI discourse has been hijacked to some extent by 'wokeists' and
pseudoliberals who never let go of an opportunity to pit it against Sanatana
Dharma’s tenets, conveniently forgetting the patent homophobia that exists in prescriptive and converting religions.
If anything,
Sanatana Dharma has always been LGBTQI-friendly. The only Hindu person who claims to have a
cure for samlaingikata (that is homosexuality in Hindi), is a prominent
yoga guru and Ayurvedic products manufacturer – no prizes for guessing
who. I am an admirer of his work in
general, but I disagree with this claim, and I hope he desists from making such
misleading claims in the future.
Leave that aside, and you will find
that our itihasas and puranas are replete with stories of LGBTQI characters who
are part of the mainstream discourse and play a crucial role in the stories
therein. Mahabharata’s Shikhandini who later
became Shikhandi is only one such example.
The enchanting damsel, Mohini, who tricked the Asuras into forgoing their
share of the immortal nectar, Amrita, was Vishnu in a female avatar. The Ardhanarishwara form of Lord Shiva shows
Him as a union of the male and female forms.
Aiyappa, the celibate Hill-God of Kerala was born of the union of this
very Mohini and Shiva.
These stores underscore the fact
that everything in this universe is energy.
So, even gender should be seen as such; varying expressions of the same
energy, depicted in different cultures as Purusha-Prakriti and Yin-Yang.
Further, in the Valmiki Ramayana,
Lord Rama’s devotee and companion Hanuman is said to have seen rakshasa women
kissing and embracing each other during his Lankan sojourn. At
another place, the Ramayana tells the tale of a king named Dilip, who had two
wives, but died without leaving an heir. The story says that Lord Shiva
appeared in the dreams of the widowed queens and told them that if they made
love to each other, they would have a child.
The queens obeyed Lord Shiva and one of them got pregnant and gave birth
to a child who grew up to be King Bhagiratha, best known for having brought
Ganga from heaven to earth.
So, why did our culture that was
so libertarian that it expressed sexuality on temple walls and in sex treatises
become so close-minded and bigoted?
Most likely, it is due to the
imposition of puritanism by western invaders/land occupiers that any matter
relating to sex was severely curtailed, the crowning glory being the imposition
of Article 377 by the British, which the Indian government foolishly continued
even after the British themselves had legalized gay relations in their own
country.
As the scholar of Abrahamic
studies, Sumit Paul, says: ‘Thousands of years of slavery and the restrictive
Semitic civilisational influence transformed the collective mentality of
Indians and changed their psycho-sexual behavioural ethos. We began to condemn our own cultural heritage
and history.’
It took a few enterprising NGOs
to take the matter to the Supreme Court to have the article struck down. Still, that’s only one part of the struggle;
till date there are no equal civil rights to marry, or to register
children/properties for gay couples (this matter is sub judice in the
Supreme Court, as of April 2023).
Spiritually, we are moving from
one body to another; sometimes male, sometimes female, sometimes other
genders. So, a man might have been a woman in a previous birth,
and may be reborn as a transgender in the next. So why confine yourself to this birth
alone? If you look at it from the
universal and spiritual perspective, it hardly matters whether you are male,
female or other.
As per spiritual healers and
masters, your soul decides which body to inhabit prior to its earthly
sojourn. You are a spirit wearing the
garb of a human body, put here to do certain actions with your free will so as
to facilitate your karmic journey through this birth and the next with the
ultimate aim of attaining moksha. So,
focus on that, and give up your fixation with ephemeral bodily features.
What should parents/families do?
As I have written under sex education, have an open conversation with your child at the appropriate time
about their sexual preference.
Alternative sexuality is a normal variation of sex expression, just as
being left-handed or grey-eyed is. There
is more to your child than just his/her sexuality; look at developing their
overall personality, academic interests and any other passion. Do not reduce their life to fretting over the
fact that they may not get married or have children. There is more to life’s purpose than these
events. Remember that not everybody is
cut out to get married or have children.
Whether we like it or not,
whether governments of the day dither or not, whether radical religions oppose
it or not, and even if self-appointed custodians of Indian culture send missives to the President asking for equal civil rights not to be granted to
the gay community, gayness always was and always will be. It will be accepted as being part of the mainstream in the
future, if not now.
As we emerge from the heteronormative prerogative of brushing aside anything queer under the carpet, we need to figure out how to uplift 'hijras'/'eunuchs' from a marginalized lifestyle that involves begging from and harassing people at traffic signals towards a more mainstream life of gainful employment through equal opportunities. And yes, for that matter, toilets and restrooms would also have to be redesigned to be more inclusive of the LGBTQI community.
I envisage a future wherein
intimate relations would be an optional undertaking rather than mandatory, with
the individuals having a wide range of sexual/gender diversity to select their
partners from.
Resources/references:
- LGBT banner picture: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT
- https://www.deccanherald.com/opinion/panorama/time-to-destigmatise-homosexuality-1152092.html
- https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Homosexuality_in_India#:~:text=On%207%20September%202018%2C%20a,making%20homosexuality%20legal%20in%20India.
- Shikhandi: And Other Tales They Don't Tell You, Devdutt Pattanaik, Zubaan and Penguin Books India, 2014
